Wednesday, 7 October 2015

Chemotherapy - 1 down...5 to go



I'm now 9 days since my first EC chemo and finally I'm feeling a little better.

Before I had my first chemo session I felt a scared. Well more than scared actually I was flipping terrified. I searched desperately online to try and find out exactly what chemo felt like so I was prepared. How sick will I be? How many times will I be sick? Will I be sick that night? Will I be sick the next day? When will the bloody sickness stop?

Anyway because everyone reacts differently to chemotherapy it was pretty difficult to paint myself a picture pre-chemo. So let me try and explain what chemo 'round one' was like for me as it definitely wasn't what I expected.

Spoiler alert: It's not going to be a nice explanation. But guess what cancer isn't nice. I've had to learn the hard way that breast cancer isn't all pretty pink ribbons and happy fun runs so you need to learn that too!


As soon as I had the chemo my throat felt thick and I had a headache. I also felt like I needed to sneeze but couldn't. My pee was bright red. Literally bright red. Like I'd thrown a bottle of Ribena down the toilet. Good job Liz (my chemo nurse) had told me or I would have thought I had internal bleeding.

Then I waited to start feeling sick. How weird is that? Waiting to feel sick. There's just no way you can prepare. I had a light tea of plain chicken and mash and went to bed.

I woke up in the morning and felt awful. Like the worst hangover in the world. I quickly had an anti-sickness tablet. I was given 3 days worth of anti-sickness tablets and steroids. Unfortunately I wasn't quick enough with the anti-sickness tablet and I vomited. It was a horrible chemo kind of sick and I had a little cry about it. However once I was sick I did feel a little better. I went back to bed and popped another anti-sickness tablet. I figured I'd just puked the last one up so I might as well have another one. 

My throat still felt thick. This lasted for about a week. It was numb like when you have just finished a cough sweet and food didn't taste the same. 

During the next seven days I felt so tired. On day three I laid on the couch and I stayed there all day. Every time I had to go upstairs to use the toilet I felt like I was climbing Mount Everest. (And I've done the Yorkshire Three Peaks so I know what that's like). My little legs felt like they where going to snap on every single step. 

I felt nausea for a good seven days. We had to call the hospital to get a stronger anti-sickness tablet on day 3 because the sickness just wasn't getting any better. The problem with the new anti-sickness tablet was it gave me a really bad headache. My head felt like it was pulsing. Like I could feel my own heartbeat in my head. If I kept my head really still I swear I could see my glasses moving with the beat of my pulsing brain.

That's another thing about chemo...it messes with your mind! I couldn't concentrate on anything. I had days where Michele found me laid on the couch just staring at the back of it unable to even concentrate on the tv. There was an incident with the light switch. I thought it was ringing. I made Michele listen to it. Yes that's right I made my boyfriend LISTEN TO A LIGHT SWITCH! I'm going nuts. I said things I didn't realise I had said. I forgot other things I'd just said. When i could get to sleep my sleep was heavy. My dreams where vivid and I found it difficult to wake my puffy eyed steroid pumped moon face. 

So you get the picture? That's round one done. At times I felt so sick I thought about not carrying on. I told Michele I didn't want to have any more chemo. But now I'm feeling better I'm ready for the next one. BRING. IT. ON.

No one said chemotherapy was going to be easy. I'm not doing this for fun. 

I'm doing this because I want to live. 





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